It Was That Extra Day That Done’d It
Well, this week has been a thorough disaster as far as eating habits go. Yesterday, since thin crust pizza is legit on Phase 2, though probably later on in the phase, I ate a whole thin crust pizza from California Pizza Kitchen. Because of this, dinner consisted of a non-fat, decaf, sugar-free caramel latte with splenda. I decided to take all the purposes out of coffee-beverages and leave a tasty husk in its place. Dessert is normally a ricotta creme, but it turned out I was completely out of fucking ricotta. So instead, I ate 7 dark chocolate covered blueberries. (Which is also allowed by Phase 2). I’m pretty sure I’ve fucked up this week solidly.
I worked out on Wednesday, and it went alright, but the gym was so fucking crowded I just didn’t have any ambitions. So I did 20 on the bike and 25 on the treadmill and called it. This weekend was going to be our date weekend, but in the next two days we have to get groceries, workout, go to the free clinic (thanks American Healthcare System!), audition for a theatre group, memorize and prepare my monologue, work 8 hours to make up for a sick day last week, and you know spend time alone with my lady.
Like I said, this is the difficult part of the diet, the part where you continue to bust your ass for minimal results. I have committed to spending the next 6 months busting my ass to lose weight, in a safe and healthy way, and it’s going to take me over 30 weeks to maybe lose a pound or two a week. It’s really frustrating. And I have to mete out my carb intake and it STILL might be too much. And I still might have to start over, because I fucked up that first two weeks.
I’m just furious. And I don’t want to work out, because I think by doing exercise, I’m building muscle, which is actually fucking up my weight loss. I don’t feel like I’m losing any weight anymore. And it’s annoying. I hate this fucking diet. I hate that I got so fat in the first place. And that I’m so severely out of shape, I have to go to a doctor before I AUDITION, to make sure that I don’t fucking die first. That I can’t afford to do this. It feels like it’s taxing every single part of me: financial, spiritual, social, and emotional. Physically, it’s not a hard diet to follow. It’s just that it is a diet. I don’t care what fucking Agatston says. You cannot live your life without pasta and bread.
But am I going to give up? NO. I’m so pissed off, but I can channel that better. It just feels like I spend my life rushing around from one place to the other and I don’t have any time to appreciate it. I can’t sit back and say, “Ahhhhh.” Our gym takes 20 minutes to drive to (if we’re lucky), and then my workout can run over an hour, because I have to work out aerobically. I can’t do bursts of intense exercise, because it could kill me, or at the very least severly hurt me. Which I can’t afford, because I don’t have healthcare. And so, any time I want to work out, it costs me 2 hours of my day. Which must occur after 6:30, because that’s the earliest Higginbottom gets home from her toiling at the salt mines. It sucks. It just sucks. It does not leave any time for anything else. And even on the days when we don’t work out, we have to fit in time to prep food, or shop for groceries or do laundry, or any of the other nonsense that’s day to day responsibility. Don’t forget, after the workout, we still have to cook dinner. Even if we don’t have chores, we’re so fucking exhausted from our day to day shit, that we pass the fuck out. I honestly have insane amounts of respect for parents. How you do this, and fit in time to raise children, is beyond me.
I weigh in tomorrow, and I’m dreading it. Granted, I’m still fighting, but I feel like if I could just break under 205 some time soon, I’d feel a little better. Especially if I could break under 200. That would be awesome. I’m still fighting. It just sucks.
J.B. said,
March 7, 2008 at 2:51 pm
“I don’t want to work out, because I think by doing exercise, I’m building muscle, which is actually fucking up my weight loss.”
Cardio burns calories at a pretty high rate while you’re doing it, but within 20 minutes after finishing, your metabolic rate is back to normal. If you want to burn more calories, you’re going to have to exercise again. Lifting weights burns calories at a slightly lower rate, but the muscle it builds continues to burn calories all day long. Each pound of muscle you add burns an additional 50-75 calories per day, even if all you do is lie in bed. To put it another way, if you add just two pounds of muscle and then sit on your butt all week, you’ll burn more calories doing so than running on the treadmill for an hour. See why building muscle should be your top priority if you want to lose fat?
righteousindigestion said,
March 7, 2008 at 3:14 pm
It makes sense. But, the way in which I’m doing cardio, running on the treadmill, doing the elliptical, doing the bicycle, it’s building all the muscle in my legs, and none elsewhere. So my calves are trim and tone and buff, and the rest of me looks like a Mario Mushroom. I just feel like I’m adding muscle tone rather than burning fat as much as I’d like to. I’m still working out. I guess I need a better workout. I just have to watch out from making my heart a-splode.