Righteous Indigestion

DAY 6 — Morning

We’ve reached the halfway point, friends.  And it’s supposedly all downhill from here, but in the good riding a bicycle way. 

We decided to experiment this morning, and I got up at 5 AM to do the flush.  The hounds were early, so I was up at 3:30 AM for the ol’ poo skiddo.  And cripes.  What came out me looked like thick chocolate frosting.  And I thought to myself, there cannot possibly be more.  No way.  I haven’t eaten solid foods in 5 fucking days (for those keeping the box score, we’re at 134 hours), so how can there be poop? 

Well, then I was throughly excited to do the salt water flush, because I figured, today is the day we see some crazy shit!  So I did the flush.  And I waited.  And I waited.  And I waited.

Oh, salt water flush, where did you go?  I was worried, because Jenny and I were operating on competitive time tables.  (Word of advice: when doing the Master Cleanse, it is advisable that there be a toilet for everyone involved).  I know I drank it, and yet, where were you, Peebottoms?  Have you neglected me?

Again, I was furthering the theory that my inner buddha was enraged and desired pizza burgers, and now pierogies as appeasement.  But no, eventually, it came out.  Bringing a little bit with it.  Nothing funky yet.  But then it took forever to butt pee this morning.  So I guess it’s scraping out what needs be done.

The body can eliminate waste several different ways.  Peeing and pooping the obvious choices.  Then there is through the lungs by exhaling and coughing.  Which I had a coughing spasm this morning whilst on the toilet.  Not something I highly recommend.  The fourth is through the skin.  Out of curiousity, I asked Jenny if she had any sort of exfoliater or skin treatment.  I rubbed my cheeks and nose.  It was gruesome.  Like a teenage fry cook.  Gross.  But at least they are leaving and/or gone.

I think instead of counting the hours I’ve been off solid food, which is getting bizarre, I might just start counting the cups of juice I have left.   And at this count, there are 33 remaining. 

Halloween decorations are up, and the looming spectre of death is over my shoulder.  I’ve never felt a better explanation of how this job makes me feel. 

 Who likes nummas?  I like nummas. 

Weight: 216 lbs.
Chest: 48 1/2 in.
Waist: 49 1/2 in.
Neck: 18 in.
Hips: 41 in.

All I know is my watch doesn’t strangle my wrist anymore, so I must be doing something right.  That, and I kinda feel good.  Not full stomach good, but spiritually, I could probably take all seven feet of David Wang. 

(If you get that film reference, I love you.)