Righteous Indigestion

I am about to embark on the Master Cleanse Diet, or as some have deemed it, the Lemonade Diet.  Essentially, it is not a diet for weight loss, but rather a means of detoxification.  In other words, it goes through your body like scrubbin’ bubbles and knocks out the old poop chute.  You’ve got all sorts of bad toxins in your body and this helps to flush everything out. 

It’s mostly about shitting.

You take monster gross dumps because through the magic of voodoo lemonade and salt water, you essentially send all the bad mojo collected over the years packing down the Hershey Highway.  

You drink a concoction that consists of freshly squeezed lemon juice, pure maple syrup, cayenne pepper, and water.  That’s right, kiddies.  Spicy Lemonade.   You drink this mixture every two hours while you are awake, and whenever you feel thirsty, approximately 12 oz.  You can drink water as necessary.  Basically, this contains all the micronutrients a body needs to make it through the day, and manages to go on through the body, knocking out all the baddies that have collected.

Jenny suffers from gallstones, and I’m pre-diabetic.  Hopefully, this is going to take care of both.  It’s going to be harsh, difficult, and dizzying.  Others have done it before me, so I’m not concerned.  I’m taking this to heart.  I will not be eating food for 10 days.  I will be doing this to undo all the bad shit I’ve done to myself over the past few years.  Hopefully, this clears up some of the fat, some of the cholesterol, skin blemishes, bad teeth, whatever’s wrong. 

To aid in the matter, you do a salt water flush.  One quart of water plus two tablespoons of celtic sea salt.  It’s the same essential mixture as blood, so it basically courses through your system like a tsunami, taking with it many of the villagers who have made up residence.

I am doing this blog to let people know how my experience was, and whether or not it was beneficial.  It’s going to be gross.  It’s going to be graphic.  It’s going to be mostly about whining about being hungry.  And poop.  So much about poo. 

But when all’s said and done, I should feel pretty fucking good.   Here’s hoping the Master Cleanse flushes out the good.